What About Love? To Josy from Drew Cassidy ❤
Love, I believe, is a natural instinct many of us lose sight of. It seems to me that the cause of this is directly connected to our domestication by society. We are domesticated through media as well as the powers that reside over us such as parents, religious leaders, and governments. In my opinion the lineage of love starts with self love and branching out to all of our surroundings, people, places, things and experiences. As a child this all flows effortlessly, with no self judgment or self ridicule, a child radiates love and happiness for everything they favour. Once the domestication starts, whether it’s from a parent yelling at their child for having too much fun, or scolding them for being ‘bad, the self judgment begins. As a child you may have heard this a lot ‘don’t be a bad boy’ or ‘you are a very bad girl’. You may begin to think ‘am I bad?’, this carries on through school as well, constant judgement of your behaviour can cause you to self reflect and on many occasions leading to the assumption ‘well I like doing what I’m doing so if this is bad must be bad too’. Lots of domestication is completely innocent with the domesticator not realising the effect they may have. In the case of power groups such as media or government the opposite is true, they knowingly control the image we are to believe as good, right or beautiful. The problem many times is this image is false and therefore unattainable. The effect of this on people is extreme, they see what the media says is good, right and beautiful and think ‘well if I am not those things I must be bad, wrong or ugly’. We as a society put ourselves and our communities in a box of how things are supposed to be. When one does not attain those goals you feel ridiculous, it’s as if you are failing. For many of us I believe this gets to a point where we truly believe we are bad, wrong or ugly. We begin to stop loving ourselves. Many try to supplement this by finding others to give all of their love such as family, friends or a partner. More often than not this means marriage. Marriage is the way society says it should be, it’s what’s normal. We think we know how love is supposed to look so we fake it the best we can. We may not know we are faking it but after many years most become tired of what they call love and sabotage their relationships. We sever ties with friends, family and on most occasions partners or spouses. We move from relationship to relationship, the beginning is easier to fake, we know the right things to say and do, we effortlessly drop I love yous, even though somewhere down the line they mean less and less. Eventually we become numb from hurt and hurting, we begin to enjoy hobbies and passions less and less. In many cases we close ourselves off and our environment turns into our dungeon instead of our home. For some this is the cause of depression. I believe the reason for this is the lack of self love. Like a tree, if the roof of love being self love is rotten or broken the rest of the branches of love wither and die. We must find ways to reprogram our domesticated minds and realise we do love ourselves. Realise that what society may say is wrong or ugly might be what makes you unique and beautiful. You may not sing like Frank Sinatra or Christina Aguilara but many may find your voice charming or soothing. Though you many not have a body like Tyra Banks, many might prefer your body. Now don’t get me wrong after a lifetime of being shown and told what is supposed to be good, right and beautiful it may be hard to change your opinion of yourself, but don’t give up! Look in the mirror every day and see your beauty, tell yourself ‘I am beautiful!’ sing, dance and act however you wish, say ‘that is fun, I like that move’ or ‘this makes me feel good no matter what others think’. I myself spent many years suffering from self hate. This reflected through my actions, I would jeopardise relationships, lash out at my community, and abuse my body with drugs and bad food. It took me many years of dedication to heal my thoughts and opinions about myself before it started to show through my actions. It feels silly at first looking in the mirror saying ‘I am beautiful’ or ‘I am successful’ when you have that voice contradicting you, saying ‘no, you’re ugly’,‘you’re a failure.’ Eventually though with dedication that negative voice goes away, when you look in the mirror where you used to see weakness or flaw you start seeing strength and beauty. This starts to reflect on your actions because you start wanting to take care of yourself, nursing those positive things you’re seeing. You may become healthier, eating better, brushing your teeth more or practicing your hobbies and passions. Before you know it you are radiating love. You become more appreciative of life and make changes in your environment that give you joy and pride for your home or community. This is when you start to remember what true love is. Your family ties strengthen, your friendships grow. When you enter relationships it is with more surety because you yourself are sure. Finding your soul mate becomes easier because you know who you truly are as a person. Knowing your true self makes it effortless to find others that balance or reflect who you are. When I found true love in a partner it becomes obvious how different it was from past relationships, it was as if two rivers were meeting and flowing together effortlessly, becoming one, sharing direction as well as substance. Since you truly love this person there are no doubts, no longer reason for anxiety or insecurities. After a life of failed relationships this takes some getting used to, but soon you grow to undoubtingly trust each other. There are no lies or secrets because you flow together like water sharing everything. We ALL need more love in our ives just make sure it starts within. Branch out love and appreciate your surroundings, the air you breath, the food you eat and the earth from which we are provided all those things. Wake up and hug your partner do something to make them smile. Despite what some believe at heart humans are kind loving creatures, we may lose ourselves at times but change is right around the corner. Dedicated to to the love of my life Josy
As well as the family I have neglected over the years, never again!
Drew ‘Cassidy’ Bibber
What About Love? To Josy from Drew Cassidy ❤